I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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