I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
