he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
