So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Moan for me like Helen Keller
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
