But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
