I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I touched a dick in church today
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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