If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
