ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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