i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
