Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
