Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Randomize
