i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
