And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
it glows. i had to have it.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
