Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
