I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
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