Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
