I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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