If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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