i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Randomize
