do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
