nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
