I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
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