i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
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