Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
