Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Randomize
