Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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