Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
