you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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