Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Is Oprah even human
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