Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Randomize
