It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Randomize
