Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
