She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
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