yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
