Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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