uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
