I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
