I bet he comes in French.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I met the friendliest cop last night
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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