Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
