I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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