I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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