apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
