just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I hope mine doesn't look like that
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
