mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
