his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Randomize
