If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Help. Why am I so naked?
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