I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
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