Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Randomize
