k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
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