I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
