he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
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