worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
