it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
